


The Millisecond Pause

by lovesrogue36



Category: New Amsterdam
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-15
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 04:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesrogue36/pseuds/lovesrogue36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’ve learned over my extensive life that the millisecond pause is the death of every relationship. Set at the end of Love Hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Millisecond Pause

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own New Amsterdam nor am I associated with FOX. No copyright infringement intended.

“Is there somebody else?” I watched as the indignant words spilled from Sara’s lips, unchecked and betrayed. My thoughts, pulse and heart ran a marathon, scrambling for the finish line that was whatever was about to come out of my mouth. I’ve never been one for thinking before I speak – I prefer to live in the moment. I’ve learned over my extensive life that the millisecond pause is the death of every relationship. No matter what Eva might say, I _do_ know more than a thimbleful about relationships.

 

And that is the thought that brought me full circle. Sara was asking if there was somebody else. And I paused, my subconscious running to Eva. The autopilot ‘no’ tumbled out, but far too late. Her hand connected with the side of my face though I hardly felt the sting. Eva… Eva… Eva…

 

The name bounced around my skull like a ping-pong ball on crack, as she would say. I uncomfortably shoved my hands in my pockets, scared to death of… something. Whether it was losing Sara, even though I was the one ending it, or this sudden epiphany, I wasn’t sure. I knew she didn’t believe my denial, even though I had honestly believed it myself up until a half a second before I said it.

 

“But you had to think about it.” It was a statement more than a question and there was no use in refuting it. I agreed, shame ripping through me almost as tangibly as the bullet had not more than a week ago. The irony peered at me from behind Sara’s garbage cans, the fact that a few days before I had lain dead in front of them taunting me with a devilish laugh.

 

I tried to be cordial and courteous as Sara climbed into a taxicab, hurt, anger and confusion playing over her face, but I was far too preoccupied to manage more than a few barely-coherent sentences. What made me think of Eva? Was it just that she had been on my mind lately? Or was it something more? Something that Sara said? That Burnett said? Everybody made comments about us – even Omar. Was I missing something? Was I missing her? Was _Eva_ the one girl who would make me mortal? Was _Eva_ my one true love?

 

Thoughts tripped and stumbled over one another as I hiked up the ridge from Sara’s house, not looking back as her taxi drove off in the opposite direction.


End file.
